The Stillness

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Fun survey from http://heckyeahtumblrchallenges.tumblr.com/archive , with a few extra comments:

Reblog and bold what applies to you.
I’m loud.

I’m sarcastic.

I cry easily.

I have a bad temper.

I’m easy to get along with.

I have more enemies than friends.

I’ve smoked

I drink coffee.

I clean my room daily.

My appearance:
I wear make-up.

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.

I wear contacts.

I wear glasses.

I have braces.

I change my hair color often.

I have a piercing.

I have small feet.

Relationships:
I’m in a relationship now.

I’m single.

I’m crushin’. (I think.)

I’ve missed an ex before.

I’m always scared of being hurt (yes, but far more scared of hurting others, a crime I can't let go of...through guilt I hurt myself more than anyone ever can)

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

I’ve been in love more than two times.

I believe in love at first sight.

Friendships:
I have a best friend.

I have at least ten REAL friends.

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.

I’ve beaten up a friend.

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.

I can trust at least five people with my life.

Experiences:
I’ve been on a plane.

I’ve taken a taxi.

I’ve taken a city bus.

I’ve taken a school bus.

I’ve made a speech.

I’ve been in some sort of club.

Music:
I listen to R&B.

I listen to pop.

I listen to techno.

I listen to rock.

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I ~~hate it~~ get very tired of it.

I download music.

I buy CD’s.

Family Life:
I get along with both of my parents for the most part.

My biological parents are still together.

I have at least one brother.

I’ve been kicked out of the house.

I’ve sworn at my parents.

I’ve made my parents cry.

I’ve lied to my parents.

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.

Hair:
I’ve had streaks.

I’ve cut my hair in the past year.

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.

I’ve been blonde.

I’ve had black.

I’ve been red.

I use conditioner.

I’ve curled my hair.

I’ve straightened my hair.

30-Day Letter Challenge, Day 8

Day 8: Your Favorite Internet Friend

Dear A,

I can’t really say you’re my favorite internet friend. I haven’t spoken to you in two years, and even then I wouldn’t have considered us close. But you niggle at me, still.

I wish I had the courage to tell you that I still think of you. I still worry about you. I still feel bad about letting myself fade out of your life without a real goodbye. I wasn’t a good friend to you, I know. And I made a promise I so badly wanted to keep but knew perfectly well I never could. I wonder if you hate me. I was so confused—felt so guilty—didn’t know what to say to you—thought it would be better if you forgot about me—and probably really hurt you. I told myself it was kinder, but it was the coward’s way out. I was seventeen and stupid, and I’m so sorry.

And I hope, I hope, I hope you’re all right. There was so much darkness in your life.

Please be happy.

Your friend, in my own foolish way,

P.S. And now I sent you a letter for real. I guess I'll see if forgiveness is in the cards, but no matter what, I'm glad of it.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

30-Day Letter Challenge, Day 7

Day 7

Dear _______,

This letter is supposed to be for an ex-boyfriend. I lack this commodity. So, instead I’m going to write it to someone else, someone who doesn’t fit well in any of the other categories.

You’re a nice person. I like you. But I wish you would not be quite so very aware of your own intellectual prowess. Well, that is annoying, but more to the point, I wish you did not seem to think yourself intellectually superior to those around you. Namely, me. I’m probably overreacting—I’m quite certain you don’t mean anything by it—but please, don’t mistake sweetness for stupidity. Just because I’m easygoing doesn’t mean I’m incapable of flattening people in a debate if necessary. I might even be able to flatten you in a debate, depending on the topic. So, please don’t underestimate me. And even if you are smarter/more logical—which is certainly conceivable—don’t you see how very little it matters?

I’d like to be friends. But there is more in Heaven and Earth than in your philosophy, and a lot more to me than you may give me credit for.

30-Day Letter Challenge, Day 6

Day 6: A Stranger

Dear Stranger,

There’s something intoxicating about the unknown. Maybe you’ll be my best friend someday. You could be the cruelest person on the face of the earth. You could be dead tomorrow. Maybe you’ll break my heart—or heal it. You could have everything in common with me, or nothing at all. Who knows? Somewhere, you’re set in stone—as much as anyone is ever set in stone—but to me, you’re just a blur of potentiality. A reality shifting; a shadowy form that may one day solidify, only to dissolve in an instant as we pass on the street. A moment of a shared existence, gone in the blink of an eye. Yet you’re as real as me; and I, as real as you. Isn’t that exhilaratingly strange? Doesn’t that boggle the mind?

So, tell me, stranger: What’s it going to be?

30-Day Letter Challenge, Day 5

Day 5: Dreams

Dear Dreams,

Oh, dear. I dream as I breath—effortlessly, automatically. I’m almost always caught up in some daydream in the back of my mind. I’m not sure it’s healthy, but I don’t know how to be any other way. And, unfortunately, dreams are extremely fun …at least until they crash and burn and take you with them.

There aren’t that many things I want, really. It’s just that the things I want, I want with a yearning that is as inexplicable to me as it is intense. There’s no hurry, I know. I know. But it doesn’t seem to matter to my silly, foolish little heart. It’s so hard to watch half of my college dating, flirting, courting, and to know that I can’t have that (which is seriously weird, because there's not even anyone I'm actually interested in.) Oh, conceivably, I could—but what’s the likelihood? Slimmer than slim. I don’t attend church, most of them would barely (if at all) consider me a Christian…I’m so far off the “acceptable for dating” market it’s not even funny. Pretty I may be, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference. So, here’s my dream. I’m not asking for a miracle or a soul mate, but at least once in the next few years it would be nice to be asked to a dance, to think someone’s amazing and, for once, have them think the same of me. And maybe it’s a silly, foolish wish, and patience is what I should be courting, rather than love. And I will try.

But I can’t help wishing.

30-Day Letter Challenge, Day 4

Day 4: Siblings

Dear K,

What could I possibly say to you that you don’t already know? You, whom I tell more about myself—my hopes, my dreams, my fears—than anyone on the planet! I’ll say this, though: You may be the best person I know. You’re a better person than me—that much is for certain, though you wouldn’t believe me. I idolize you, you know. A little sister’s privilege, I suppose, but I have more reason than most sisters to do so. You’re incredibly hardworking, brilliant, loyal, insightful, and so solidly good. Not in some sickly sweet way. You just have more integrity in your little finger than most people do in their entire body. Oh, I know your flaws—who knows them better? But they don’t matter. They really don’t. I’m incredibly blessed to have you as my sister. And together—you know it, you said it yourself—we can take on the whole world. I love you!

30-Day Letter Challenge, Day 3

Day 3: Your Parents

Dear M and D,

You know, I’m not entirely sure what to write here. So I’ll keep it short: I love you. You have done so much for me; have always been there for me, no matter what, working tirelessly to make sure my sister and I were happy and well prepared. I couldn’t ask for better parents. Now that I’m back from college, I know I’ve been a little…distant, with you. I’m sorry; it’s hard to adjust to not being as independent, and lately my temper has been frayed at best. But I’m really, truly, glad to be home with you again. We have an awfully good time together, don’t we? :D

You ROCK.

Love,

Girly #2